My friend just had a miscarriage and I don't know what to say.?
Answer:
Congratulations on saying all the wrong things. How about just saying you are sorry for her loss!
I think what you said was perfectly fine. Sometimes if a friend says something like that to me and I don't know what to say, I just say "I don't know what to say...But I'm here for you."
all depends on her mood and how many miscarriages and how long they've been trying.
I definitely wouldn't say god is trying to spare her the pain of an unhelathy child. better to just let her know if she needs anything you're there. don't give advice unless you know what she's been through. that's the biggest annoyance. people saying things that were already done.
for all those who have never experienced miscarriage, don't think you should give any advice personally. just support that you'll be there.
You pretty much covered all the bases, but just in case this happens to another friend, here are some more gems you may want to clip-n-save.
"Hey, God probably thought you would've been a sh!tty parent, so he just put a stop to it."
"Oh my God! You might have cervical cancer!"
"Miscarriage, huh? Well, at least you can start smoking & doing tequila shots again. Wanna go out?"
"Well, at least you won't get all fat."
How about a simple, "I'm really sorry that you had a miscarriage. I'm here if you want to talk" and mean it.
It depends on how close you are to her and her family. After having my own miscarriages, it was important for me to know that I hadn't done anything to cause it myself. Next, the care and love from family and friends helped. If it comes from the heart, and it sounds like it did, you're showing love. Besides she knows you're a guy, that you said anything will help, most men would have avoided it like the plague.
Instead of just talking about why God did it, offer support and empathy. Tell her how sorry you are that she has to go through this. Tell her that you will be there to talk if she wants to and you are so sorry about what happened. She will probably be very emotional for a while. Even if she doesn't talk to you about things, knowing you have support is wieght lifted off her shoulders. she knows you will help her. good luck. you're a good friend to be caring. good luck.
Just say you are sorry for her loss. Tell her if she needs to talk you will be there. Forget the religion stuff. Most people can't believe any God would take a child away anyway. It doesn't help.
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