Where can i go to get help with self confidence?
I'm 23 years old now and should be comfortable within myself... but I'm not. I have always been shy, had a few friends at school who left before me and I found it difficult after that to make new friends... I thought that going to uni would help but I was bored and pretty lonely there too.. I've been trying to get more sociable but it seems that everytime I try to speak to people it always ends in my embarrassment.
I am now so bad that I even act like a stranger around my old friends... it just took me an hour to get up the courage to call one of my oldest friends.. And now feel really embarrassed as she didn't recognise me and was too busy to talk.
I would love to go out and be sociable clubbing, etc. I've joined classes, and activities since leaving uni in the hope of making friends but I've never been able to hold a conversation long enough to exchange numbers.
I think it would help to talk 1-2-1 with a professional in these matters but i'm not sure who that would be?
Answer:
Steps
1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that scolding voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, to emotional abuse (past or present) from a loved one or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name.
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
3. Remember that nobody is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.
5. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
6. Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
7. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
8.
I am gorgeous, huh?
I am gorgeous, huh?
Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel.
9. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
10. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.
Tips
* Exercise and eat healthy. Exercise raises adrenaline and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
* When you're feeling superbly insecure, write down a list of things that are good about you. Then read the list back. You'd be surprised at what you can come up with.
* Turn feelings of envy or jealousy into a desire to achieve. Stop wanting what others have just because they have it; seek things simply because you want them, whether anybody else has them or not.
* Don't be afraid to push yourself a bit - a little bit of pressure can actually show just how good you are!
* Take a wilderness experience course such as those found at Outward Bound or NOLS. Learning how to survive in the wilderness will build your confidence in other areas of life too. You can also try taking a martial arts or fitness class/course (or both). This will help build confidence and strength.
* Invest in some new clothing and donate some of your old clothing to send a message to yourself that you both look sharp and feel sharp.
* Try to make yourself talk positively at all times. When you hear yourself saying you can't do something, stop and say you can. Unless you try, you will never know whether you are able to or not.
Try a Psychologist.
a mental health nurse is very good at helping
you could ask your doctor to refer you to a counsellor
or if you can afford one you could pay to see one
or check with your local Mind office
http://www.mind.org.uk/
or college - they may do self-confidence / assertiveness classes
i went to get therapy for the same problem. i said " doc, i don't have any self-confidence in myself". the doctor just looked at me and said, "and who else can you have self-confidence in?"
Would you believe,,,,a magic store?
Not some air headed spells and potions store, but a place where they sell card tricks and the like.
MANY many people have overcome their shyness by learning magic.
It's fun, it gives you something to do with your hands when you talk with people...and let's face it, you do have the time to practice.
Omg without even reading this question i have to say. "look you have to embrace the ouside world for it to embrace you" so please forget you know antone and turn over a new leaf
Hi there,
I used to be quite shy like you and went to uni etc but never really had many friends and put it down to being a loner.
I have joined a fantastic church, made loads of friends, don't take myself seriously anymore (like I did when I grew up because my parents were so serious!).
Eventually you do get self-confidence when you realise your own worth and how precious you are to God and others and you start to relax around others and be positive!
Hope this helps,
God bless,
Sophia
Have you seen the Tony Robbins advert for his course on self confidence, it might be worth looking at his website
just make new friends old friends are somewhat of a bore and lack the attention span to carry on a conversation.
in fact, they may not be your friend if they don't have time for conversation. i have found that true friends have no time limit and can find time for you.
believe within yourself
I have the same problem. Sometime it helps if I just push myself to talk to people. I'm sorry, that probably isn't a very good answer, but you can feel free to contact me; I'd be delighted to listen.
Hey! I'm kind of like you, always quiet and shy, after going to Uni last year I thought things would get better, but they kind of got worse, having no-one I knew around me anymore.
I'm starting to build up confidence in my life now, I'm only 19 and still at Uni, but I'm still very self-conscious and don't ask any girls out! I knwo I need to change though.
Give me an IM on my profile or email me if you want to talk!
Wow! Do you work? Finding friends at work could help since you already have that in common. I was sorta like that 2 in High school since my slosest friends dropped out but I eventually made new friends. It is alittle harder when you are very shy. Try therapy, it might work. Also read some self help book like The Secret, you need to think positive & everything sorta falls in place. Good Luck !!
You obviously have inter term ole. What we go through in the passed makes us what we are today. Try going to a physiologist, seriously! You have deep feelings and want to be apart of all, but inside you are afraid. It is OK. You can find help that can bring out answers so that you can know how to deal with them.
Confidence is just an aspect of your character. A lack of confidence stems from fear - fear of something bad happening or what people will think of you in certain situations etc etc. So to build confidence, it follows that you must get rid of the fear. Now, this won't happen overnight, but it is possible to completely control it, and therefore radiate confidence. All you have to do is keep thinking to yourself, "what's the worst that could happen?" You'll realise in time that the very worst thing isn't really that bad. It's this fear that stops you being more confident. For example, you said you've already joined clubs etc. ell, that's a fantastic start! But you never get the confidence to talk to someone long enough to get a number. Why? What's th worst that could happen? You ask for a number and..they laugh in your face and point at you? That's the worst thing, surely. But that's never going to happen! And even if - by chance - it did? Who cares? So someone laughed at you. Just don't talk to them again.
I hope you get past this, it is definitely possible. I used to be very shy, but after joining the navy and having to give public lectures and share small cabins with people I'm much more open. So you can be too!
Talk to a counselor, that's what I am doing now, and they can help a lot. Most of it has to do with whats within yourself, and a counselor can help you gain your self-esteem/confidence issues.
Ok I'm not sure if i have the best answer for answering this but i will give it my best.
I'm very shy myself. I couldn't even call a store to see what time they closed. I had a friend since i was little tell me if you don't start learning to call places and get over your shyness how are you going to work. i started think about it. I'm still a little scared to call pace but what i did was (it had take in me along time to build up the courage to do this) I walked up to some one that look like that person was nice and i was guess she like what i did. i walked over there and said hi. the person was like ummm...hi. it was a long pause. it scared me a lot to have the pause there. so i said how is your day going. she answered its doing good. so it was another pause. witch this time i had to build more courage then ever to talk. i said what do you like to do in spare time or just in a daily bases. so she answered and we countioue talking and were friends today. so i would have to say build up a lout of courage and just like walk up to some one who looks friendly and say hi and stuff like that.
wish you the best of luck.
Don't worry. You are not alone. I used to feel the same way. but now I have friends. I started with church. I started to go to church and made friends there. They helped me overcome my shyness. Try it. It worked for me. I have friends at work now too. Just whatever you do, becareful not to get involved with a guy that preys on your shyness and uses flattery or whatever to get what he wants because then he will only mess your self esteem for sure. Remember, God made you and he wants the best for you. Good luck!
social anxiety is a more common that we like to think.
I have learned to cope with it over the years.
Don't give up. - try here - http://www.anxiety-support.org/...
Hmm, holding a conversation. If you are shy, clubs are not the place for you . They are not a place to make friends, but for casual hookups by people who like to drink and stay out late. They may go with friends, but are not there to make friends.
Be interested in others, perhaps do some tutoring as a volunteer.
What kind of work do you do ? What are your interests, can you share them with others ?
I am 45 if you want to go into town not on your own let me know no strings ! martbowker@yahoo.co.uk just as a friend
stop taking tablets off doctor
u could get on a collage course for self esteem and self confidence building find out from your local collage when they start i feel this would be good as you will be in a group and gradually get used to interacting with people who are in the same position as you
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