Listening to negative stories without feeling stress.?
so she always give nagative stories to me.
but it is not easy for me to listen a nagative storie..
I'm going to add details..
When bad thing happens to her, she always tells me
what is wrong with her.
She says that it hepls her, when she talk things to me.
So I am tring to be with her as much as I can, or at least
keep in tuch with her all the time by Email..
but listening to her negative storis are not easy for me..
some times I really get stressed and I can't stand!!
are there any ways that I can listen to her stories without
feeling stress??
Answer:
tell her how you feel when she tells you the stories
listen to up lifting stuff
take some time out and think about stuff you like and want to do , perhaps give yourself some temporary distance everyday. away from it all
I can understand that it can upset you hearing depressing stories all the time, I guess you just have to try and look at the positive angle of it, that fact that your partner is willing to open up to you. Be pleased that she wants you to be there for her
Start getting her to turn it around. It is not helping her as she states. She is starting to thrive on it. When she starts ask her what the positives are from it or something good?
She may stop altogether. Remember honey, you are no good to anyone if you burn out. She needs to unload on her therapists and doctors not you.
Say goodbye because those stories are going to keep coming like Muhammed Ali.
If you decide to stick it out, show her love and don't let the stories get to you. It's her deal.
In a sense, you're in kind of a catch 22. On the one hand, you want to be there for her and listen to her while on the other hand, you aren't being helped by her negativity. Unfortunately, aside from antidepressants and therapy, there is little that can be done for her while she complains. Unfortunately for both of you, her complaining and you listening to those complaints are a part of what defines your relationship. My suggestion is that you put down boundaries in your relationship.
In other words, tell her that if she wants to talk about her day and other thoughts, that you will listen, but you don't want to hear excessive complaining as it is bringing you down. Unfortunately, I have learned in my own personal life, that my thoughts create their own realities. So I changed my reality by changing my thoughts. Now I rarely complain and it has not only bettered my own life, but my relationship. So what's the difference between expression a concern or a feeling and complaining? It is the energy in which you provide for the thought. I have a life threatening illness and I have a down day from time to time. But if I complained all the time, then no one would want to be around me. Suggest therapy and medication for your girlfriend and encourage her to start a gratitude list, both mental and written. And best of luck to the both of you.
Give her this analogy:
You are the wastebasket. She is dumping a lot of waste material into it. If the wastebasket is not emptied, the waste material will overflow. Figure what that would mean for you, in terms of how you'd behave when with other people, esp at your workplace.
I don't want to sound negative, but, a complainer will never grow up, if along the way, she doesn't find options to her own behavior, ie, it isn't as if she doesn't know what she doesn't want to hear from others, and she could as well in a sensitive way find ways and means to not listen to others, or else examine her own attitudes, ie, whether her own thinking has contributed to others being unpleasant, unkind to her!
We don't always know it, but, a complainer has little boundaries, so she could very well spiral into a rut and 'suck' you into it as well.
Even a friend listens with a limit, let alone you're her bf.
Set some boundaries. Sensitively.
The medicine and health information post by website user , ByeDR.com not guarantee correctness , is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions.
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