What can I do for him(please read details)?
Answer:
Tell him that you are there for him and that you will listen to anything he has to say. Sometimes that is all we can do. I know it is hard for you to deal with his emotions but he is having an even harder time dealing with them. Guy are programed from a very young age that they are not supposed to show emotion. I know it is hard but try talking to him about seeing a dr to get on meds.
If he won't do counseling, will he consider a grief support group of his peers? That's not quite like counseling. Check local churches. They have groups that meet regularly. If he won't do that, just try to get him to open up to you. Talking about it will really help and will facilitate the healing process.
Anniversaries are very difficult, he should be in a greiving support group.
Tell him that drinking is not going to bring back his brother and he's going to loose you as well. I don't know why people try alcohol as they're consultant. Please talk to him and tell him what I told you. He'll think about it twice and I'm sure he'll stop drinking.
Since I do not know your fiance nor the details of his brothers death I will only suggest a few things that I know some of my friends have done to Honor their loved ones.
On the anniversary, you could plant a tree in memory of his brother. You could have a BBQ with all of the family and friends of the lost one, and make it a "trade stories of him" sort of get together. You could go somewhere in memory of the lost brother...like if he was a baseball nut who never missed a game...go to one of his favourite games in his Honor, even if you hate baseball. Make a donation in his memory to his favourite charity. Help out at the homeless centre in his name...clean up the local town park in his Honor...there are so many things that one can do in the memory of the deceased. This may make the day and anniversary for years to come sort of a celebration of the life that once was. Good luck with it
If he is drinking heavely there is not much you can do but support him and when he becomes abusive from the drinking leave or ask him to leave that you can not stand to see him destroy his life. Make sure you let him know that you love him and tell him this when he has not had anything to drink so he is hearing what you are saying. let him know that what he is doing is not only hurting him but you as well and it is causing a strain on your relationship.
i lost a brother when i was 19 and he was 39. I definetly hurts and I still think of him every day(im 46 now). While I was sad for a long time I did not resort to drinking because I found that if you drink too much, not only will you still be sad but you will have a hangover. Only time will make it easier but if he is developing a serious drinking habit loved ones should try to help him as soon as possible. what i found is that the good memories will come to the front and help deaden the pain as the years go by. good luck
Us men are a very lonesome species. and we find that emotion is best kept to ourselves. unfortunately the ones we love suffer because of this. all you can really do is go up to him and say... "hunny... i know your going through a rough time right now. if their is anything i can do to help, please let me know. i love you and I'm here for you. " and just let him deal with his loss in his own way. the best thing is to let him grieve with dignity.so as not to hurt his pride.
He has a problem -- and it has nothing to do with his brother.
So, what you can do for him is to insist he find a way to stop drinking. Counseling, AA meetings, whatever. If you stick with him, you'll have to deal with this problem. And, if you're drinking as well, you and he have a problem. The same advice applies.
Alcoholism doesn't get wished away. Time alone doesn't cure it. Blaming the setbacks in life merely worsens the problem. Whiskeygirl, it's time you decided to change things. If you don't, then you will hit rockbottom and -- which, for many people, is the only way they can decide to fix their problems.
What makes it so hard is, he is drinking so much he is not stable or rational. So it will be hard for you to try to help him if he is intoxicated. Maybe at this point he should try some sort of achohol abuse treatment. Because until he can maintain sobriety it will be impossible to reason or talk to him. Do you think any friends or family members would participate in an intervention on his behalf?? When he does have a sober moment maybe you could talk to him about his drinking and suggest A.A. or something of that nature.
ahhh i am sorry.if i was you i would hold like a cemanare type thing or rememberance type thing in memeory of his brother. ask to go visist his grave or something like that most of all always tell him your there for him when he most needs it...good luck
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